ER Memories (#3)

In 1985 my little town of Vass, NC, played host to a small-time circus to raise money for a local charity. The draw for the opening night was Tiny Tim who some of you will remember for his unforgettable rendition of “Tiptoe though the Tulips.” 

I saw part of his show but had to be up very early the next day to get to my job in the ER of  our local hospital. Imagine my surprise upon arriving there the next morning to see a familiar looking figure dressed in a long black coat at the front desk. It was Tiny Tim. 

He had a small paper bag with him and was pleading with the head nurse to have the ER Dr. see him immediately and in private. She finally determined that he was carrying a urine sample that he swore he had obtained from a girl in Vass (!) She, according to Tiny Tim, was accusing him of getting her pregnant and he wanted the Dr. to prove her wrong. This whole scene was getting more and more bizarre. The nursing supervisor tried to tell him that it was way too early to determine anything but Tiny Tim just became more agitated and obnoxious.

He started yelling about “my rights as a citizen” and “people taking advantage of me because I’m a star”, and it was at this point that the news photographers arrived. In retrospect we could clearly see that we’d been conned. He managed to get a front page spread in the local newspaper, as well as mentions in the Raleigh and Fayetteville ones also.

The un-named girl from Vass “conveniently” disappeared and Tiny Tim, with a big 

                                                               GOTCHA !   

smile on his face, tiptoed quietly out of our lives.