Neologism …

…is defined as a new word or a new use for an old word.

Yearly the Washington Post has a neologism contest in which readers submit their alternatives for common words. These are a few of this year’s winning submissions:

* Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

* Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

* Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

* Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a

  steamroller.

* Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

* Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

* Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

* Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you

  die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.


Readers were also asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Winners are:


* Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject

  financially impotent for an indefinite period.

* Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

* Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who

  doesn't get it.

* Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

* Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

* Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

And the pick of the literature:

* . Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.