No time for a support group?

Recently I listened to an Oncologist being interviewed. She was talking about terminal patients and how their care-givers could gain comfort and relief from attending support groups. However, she said, she was saddened that there was one particular segment of the population that was resistant to this. It was the elderly male.

She went on to say that they were reluctant to join a support group because they claimed they couldn’t take the time away from their loved one…most usually a spouse of many years. Besides they didn’t feel comfortable talking in groups and many had the stoical attitude of “I’m doing fine. I don’t need a support group to tell me how to feel.”

This made me think of my brother-in-law. He and my sister were married just shy of 60 years and when her last 3 years were spent in a nursing home he was by her side every day. Of course I was worried about my sister but I was concerned about him too and wondered if he ever took time for himself.

So you can imagine how happy I was when I last visited and he introduced me to the Romeos … 5 elderly men with loved ones in the same facility. I doubt if you could get them to a “support group” but a good meal out once a week with the guys was OK. They were the Retired Old Men Eating Out and they’d forged a trusting relationship over the years. They would compare notes, share stories about managing the difficulties of living alone and, best of all, they never had to feel alone.

In other words …(Shhh, don’t tell) … a support group!