Saturday, June 14, 2008

BLESS THIS HOUSE


It is almost 18 years since my husband died. We were married for 32 years and many of those years were fraught with money woes, sickness and denial of my dependence on alcohol. But, for all that, it was still a marriage based on love...love of our family unit and of each other.

Dick was a romantic, at heart, and I wish that I had cherished that more than I did. I remember, in our first year of marriage, that he brought me flowers. We were trying very hard to keep ahead of the bills that were piling up and I lashed out at him… “how can we afford flowers when the rent isn’t paid?” Guess what? It was 25 years before I got another bouquet!

There were other times that I deflated his efforts and I’ve come to realize that I never accepted him for exactly who he was...which was a pretty darn nice guy. I was always trying to get him to live up to some inflated idea of mine for the “perfect husband”. What a waste and how I wish I could take it all back and start over.

After we moved South his health deteriorated rapidly but he never lost his sense of humor and his love of life. He had a hard time sleeping and would often be up very late at night. I had to get to bed early because I was due at the Emergency Room (where I worked) by 6:30 in the morning...so it was hard to communicate much.

It was during this time that he started leaving little notes for me, which I found in the morning. They were always accompanied by cartoon-like faces and I saved and framed a few of them in remembrance... along with my favorite picture of him on his horse Thunder.

It was Dick who insisted that I get help for my alcoholism. He lived to see only 15 months of my new sober self but it was enough for him to be able to write: “Bless this house for relaxation, recuperation and restoration”. I will be forever grateful that, at the very least, I was able to give him that.

16 Comments:

Blogger Scott W said...

How wonderfully sweet!

5:00 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Ginnie, I think you can probably rest assured that those 15 months were the best for him, and it probably meant he could forgive you for the times that weren't so good. I'm so glad you had that good time together.

5:46 PM  
Blogger KGMom said...

Ah Ginnie--this is a bittersweet post. It is wonderful you have good memories of Dick, but it is also bittersweet to remember not always appreciating fully what was at hand.
Your remembrances are a reminder to all of us--cherish for what it is what we have.
Thanks.

7:58 PM  
Blogger seventh sister said...

Those 15 months probably meant a lot more to him than you realize. For one thing, they made he feel that he could leave and you would be OK. I think he knows how you feel now.

8:56 PM  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Ginnie, I am so proud of you for being able to hang onto these wonderful memories, and knowing your sweetheart got to experience a wonderfully calm house for even that short length of time is just so special.... pat yourself on the back..huggs Cazzie :)

11:45 PM  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

He sounds like a great guy, and I think it's also great that you have come to appreciate that more fully.

5:09 AM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

I get asked all the time, "Why do you blog?" From now on I will just say, "Read the comments that my blogger friends leave."
You are all so special...THANKS.

5:25 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

That is a moving tribute to a man who loved you and who you loved. Thanks Ginnie.

3:19 PM  
Blogger Chancy said...

Beautiful.
I think Dick knows you miss him and treasure his memory more with each passing day.

Now forgive yourself for not being perfect. None of us are.

Hugs

Chancy

6:51 PM  
Blogger ellen said...

Oh, Ginnie, I cannot add anything to these wonderful comments. Your love of him shines through all of your words.

1:02 PM  
Blogger a little bird said...

Ginnie, you are such an amazing woman, and you sound like you had an incredible husband. You are honoring him by staying sober! I admire you so much.

<3

3:09 PM  
Blogger Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...

Oh, how we all have regrets!!! I wouldn't have ended up raising a 2 year old if things had been otherwise.

I also went through life waiting for my father the praise me or tell me he loved me. My mother told me he did. I decided my father was a wounded soul from a difficult upbrings, he spoke little about.

Some lessons of life are harsh. Any yet, there are always the good memories to continue to nourish us.

8:27 AM  
Blogger molly said...

that is soooooo sweet.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Pam said...

That's lovely Ginnie!

5:47 AM  
Blogger Pam said...

I think, sometimes, when the work of daily living gets in the way, we all forget to appreciate the ones we love. A beautiful tribute to your husband and to a good marriage.

10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, he was a true romantic. But how fortunate for you that you had the time with him that you did. Treasure those memories.
Terri
htpp://www.islandwriter.net

2:47 PM  

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