Monday, November 06, 2006

SINS OF OMISSION…the sneaky foe

I started blogging in July and it’s been relatively easy up to now. I was blessed with a thirst for life and I think you can tell from my articles that I had a wonderful childhood, an exciting school and work record and a good marriage that produced three precious children. It has been a joy to remember and record the events of those days. So far I have posted an eclectic collection of thoughts that have taken me from my birth to about age 40.

Here’s where it gets difficult for me to continue. To capsulate: it is now 1973. I am married with 3 children (2 boys and a girl), ages 14, 13 & 12. Ten years earlier we moved from New York City to a small town in upstate New York. Dick’s health was too rocky for him to continue his life as a traveling photographer and he now is a Real Estate Broker and we run the office out of our home. I sell property also and manage the business end.

We never returned to the heavy socializing that we had done in the city, but we always retained our night-time ritual of cocktails before dinner. Without realizing it this had become of major importance to me. Our life was not easy, especially financially, and I found that a few drinks helped me to cope. I ran the household and our small business, made the meals, attended school functions and did whatever was required of me, but it was always with the aid of the anesthetic called alcohol.

I use the word “anesthetic” because that’s exactly what it did to me…it separated me from reality. I can look at photographs, or talk to my children about that time in our lives and it jolts my memory...but they are usually cloudy and distorted images. This is how alcohol affected me and it was so subtle and cunning that I didn’t even realize what was happening. For the next 16 years I was, as they say in AA, a “functioning alcoholic”.

When I look back upon those years I don’t beat myself up because of what I did. It’s what I DIDN’T DO that saddens me. I didn’t provide my children with emotional security, I didn’t give my husband the love and devotion that he so rightly deserved and I didn’t have the courage to face life head on.

Well, that has all changed. I learned, 17 years ago, that I have a treatable disease and that I can lead a full and rewarding life without the false courage of alcohol. The fog has lifted and I can clearly see the road ahead that beckons.


Blogger Anvilcloud said...

It's the strength to get back up that speaks of character.

7:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anvil is right ~ and I have many of the same regrets as a former alcoholic. It's not often that I allow myself to seriously consider what my life *might* have been without those years ~ but have finally accepted that what is, is. We go forward and do the best we can. :)


Thailand Gal

8:06 AM  
Blogger Maya's Granny said...

You are an inspiration to others. To get back up, to recognize the problem and do something about it.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Dee said...

We all have our own demons to beat, don't we. Mine is food. But the fact that you have come as far as you have, speaks volumes for you strength and fortitude.

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bravo for you, Ginnie. For listening and then fixing it.
I've always loved that saying....when we know better...we do better. And you certainly did!

2:58 PM  
Blogger Suzie Q said...

You have my utmost admiration, Ginnie. I lived with an alcoholic partner for 12 months and know how hard it is to deal with. We struggled to get him into a rehab, but he finally got a place, got his health back & married a girl he met in the rehab! Such is life, eh? Good on you, Ginnie, stay strong & healthy! Thanks so much for sharing this with us, you are indeed an inspiration.

Sue x

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well said my fellow commentors....

Let me say Ginnie that I strongly believe that your a part of our blogging network today because of your strength.

"Endeavor To Persevere"

4:00 AM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

Thank you all so much for your heart-felt words. Isn't it wonderful when we reach out and find that there are many hands and hearts ready to take us in? This blogging community is awesome!

6:04 AM  
Blogger Pam said...

This is my firt time visiting your page. I admire your strength and honesty. I, too, agree with Anvil...character is all about the strenght to get back up and move on.

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Ginnie,
This is -- to use an old-fashioned word -- such a heartfelt post. I have my own battles and have lost my own chunks of time due to other challenges, so I can relate really well to your sense of a haze blanketing that whole time.

I have several friends who are recovering alcoholics. Their struggles happen at a daily level. I respect them so much, and I gain much strength from knowing that they are there.

I celebrate the choices that you have made to get you to this place here and now. I celebrate your sobriety today. Thank you for adding some shading and dimension to your life story.

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Most of us go through some kind of awakening about something we did to cope that served us once but then turned on us. I'm glad you're clear and healthy now!

7:05 PM  

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