Wrapping it up ...
My
last 2 blog entries had to do with making life choices and how often
the circumstances of life make those choices for us. This is my
last entry on that theme but I wanted to wrap it up on a positive
note.
In
July of 1989 a family intervention lovingly made it clear to me that
I had a drinking problem and they wanted me to get help. I felt
guilty to be going away for 28 days because my husband was very ill
and I had no idea how much longer he would be with us but he
insisted..
When I came home I started the long journey of recovery with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous. It wasn't easy … on me or on Dick. 15 months later my husband passed away at the young age of 59 and to this day I regret that he never really benefited from my recovery. However, his main concern was that his three children would have a sober mother and he got that.
I
still felt that I’d let Dick down and one night, while sitting at
the table in my kitchen, I closed my eyes and “talked” to him. I
told him that I loved him and that I hoped he was in a place of peace
and finally free of pain and disease. I was going to ask him to
forgive me for the things I hadn’t done for him but I was stopped
in mid-sentence. I felt a breeze on the back of my neck and then
something brushed by my left shoulder. My eyes flew open and I
blurted out, “Dick, is that you?”
Of course no one was there but I felt a sense of comfort that I had never felt before and I knew that I had been absolved and that all was right in my world. This is a true story, exactly as it happened to me. I am not a religious person but I do believe there is a type of higher power out there. It’s way beyond my comprehension but there is no doubt in my mind that it was with me that night in my kitchen … and it's stayed with me ever since.
posted by Ginnie at 9:51 AM
9 Comments:
This is such an inspiring post, Ginnie, on many levels. Thank you for sharing such a personal story.
I do believe it was him giving you his blessing. So happy you had that moment.
That's a beautiful story, Ginnie. Thanks for sharing it. I agree with you that there's something more, even if we have no way to explain it.
Good for you Ginnie. You've done well in the face of... Also I believe the memories that should have been but didn't happen are often the hardest to overcome. We lost our 27 year old son to the effects of bi-polar. The grandchildren that will never be are still sorely missed.
This is touching, and you have done remarkably well. We all wish that we had done better, but there's that old saying: "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride." Of course my dad just said "people" instead of "beggars" and that works too.
Yes, good blogger buddy, Dick did indeed really benefit from your recovery process. He lived long enough to know that you finally recognized these demons and he knew full well you were strong enough to defeat them. I have learned to admire him so much from your blogging and I have no doubt whatsoever that your recovery fight gave him a much more peaceful end.
Even though you felt you let him down, Dick did not feel that way it seems from what you have shared about him, Ginnie. I also feel that he returned to let you know and put your mind at ease.
A very moving experience I can appreciate. We all have our crossroads of one kind or another. What matters is the path we ultimately follow.
I am facing some things in my own life now. It is the little daily choices that we make that ultimate influence where we will be tomorrow next week or even 10 years from now. You decided every day not to drink and this decision changed the course of your life and the people that know you. Life just happens one decision at a time. We do our best even if it isn't enough it is all we have at the time. Forgiving ones self is the hardest but we have to find peace or what is the point. Today I am looking for clarity. Thanks for the post.
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